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Self Defeat

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Self Defeat

by Nicole D. Huff, R.N.

Our Greatest Adversary Lies Within

What is Self Defeat?

Self defeat is the inability to move forward in life, due to misconceptions a person has about themselves. It occurs as the result of an accumulative process of negativity gained throughout the course of an individuals lifetime.

This negative accumulation is stored within a persons psyche (the non-physical aspects of an individual) and recycles itself within the conscious and subconscious mind. Frequently, this recycling process takes place without active awareness of its presence. Just because something goes on in our conscious mind doesnt mean we pay attention to it. It is this lack of active attention that allows negative thought to rise up as a mighty adversary against us. These thoughts that lie within us are therefore allowed to lie to us. This is why it is important to learn how we defeat ourselves.

Signs to look for:

Any negative thoughts you have about yourself throughout the course of a day.
Negative thoughts and feelings about your ability to achieve success in life.
Negative thoughts and feelings you have about your current circumstances.
Feelings of guilt due to real or imagined wrongdoing you have caused.
Self punitive behaviors and neglect such as refusing to take time out for yourself.
Burdening yourself with unnecessary responsibilities.
Comparing yourself to others.
Looking for someone to give you recognition of your worth or other qualities.
Negative thoughts and feelings you have about your weight, height, color, gender, or any other parts of your body.
Negative statements you make about yourself to others. This includes all negative comments made, even those made in jest. Your subconscious mind does not distinguish between fact or fiction.
Where does the negativity come from?

Negative remarks said to you or about you by members of your family or friends when you were younger that you still hold on to.
Holding onto negative feelings about yourself when you make a mistake such as doubting your skills, ability, knowledge, intelligence, creativity, or common sense.
Embarrassing and negative stories about your past behaviors, failures, ideas and performances.
Inability to let go of sustained thoughts and feelings of anger, resentment, hostility or rage you have toward others for any reason. (This becomes a focal point you are unable to move beyond. It stops your emotional growth leaving you to feel negative about yourself, others and life in general.)
Negative forecasts and predictions that you or others make about your future including success, relationships, family, and your health. Caution going to a fortuneteller who may "predict" negative events in your life.
Feelings of jealousy you have for others whom you feel are more successful, better looking, more intelligent, have more talent and creativity. (For those you feel are better off in life than yourself.)
Negative comments and attitudes toward you from your spouse, boss, teacher, colleagues, children, parents, relatives or anyone else you consider significant in your life.
Associations with or being subject to people who promote hate and create suspicion, conflict, violence or negativity of any kind. While you may not be actively involved, these associations are like secondhand smoke and they will have an effect on you.
Common Manifestations:

None of us are exempt from negativity any more than we are from being exposed to various types of physical illness in our environment. If we do not learn to recognize the early warning signs of self defeat, and allow for continued accumulation of negativity, then it will manifest in our personality and be demonstrated in any or all of the following ways:

Seeking out others to receive approval and validation for what you do and who you are with.
An inability to move forward through life on your own.
Lack of self esteem and doubts about your self worth.
Inability to take risks in life, no matter how small, in order to bring about positive change.
Taking on the role of victim and disbelief that you can escape the cycle.
Persistent negativity and refusal to consider optimistic points of view about your future.
Self pity and withdrawal from living in the here and now.
Shooting down and making excuses for each life-changing suggestion made to you.
Building barriers between yourself and others, by pushing people away who try to get involved, due to fear of being hurt.
Living the Self Fulfilling Prophecy by means of your automatic negative assumptions, reactions and outlook toward life. This comes from being unwilling to see things from different points of view.
The above examples are only a few of several manifestations that the process of self defeat can produce. If not dealt with effectively, it could lead to deep states of depression and become chronic.

Best Defense and Corrective Action:

While you may at times be your own worst enemy, you can also become your own best ally and source of practical defense. This can be accomplished through Holistic Awareness by learning to recognize the signs and symptoms of self defeat, and understanding the variations of human response to negativity (including your own). This is possible through the practice of simple techniques, designed to prevent and reverse the downward spiral we subject ourselves to.