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The reality of attraction and dating in a post modern society

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The reality of attraction and dating in a post modern society

by Rion Williams

Many men today are confused as to how to attract and deal
with women. Today our women are more beautiful (through
natural selection and beautification), capable and empowered than at any point in history, and though this is a wonderful thing, its had many ramifications when it comes to relationships.

Countless guys including great catches are frustrated as
to how to deal with, attract and succeed with these
desirable women. In fact many men are so frustrated that we
now have 40 year old virgins. The major social dilemma that
I see exists is this:

Men are wondering "what is wrong with the women (and why do
they treat us like this)"? and women are wondering, "Where
are all the real men?"

Guys want to be a nice guy and they will even do what
society tells them to when it comes to dating and attracting women yet almost none of it works. In fact it usually repels women away or incites them to reluctantly partake in the free gifts theyre getting in exchange for their own time even though the women are bored, not really interested and definitely not attracted.

Societal dating is a lot of presumptuous false
expectations and ideals that cater to her social leanings
and not what her heart truly desires (also because few of
these men have character).

Despite what the experts say, it often ends up being what
neither of them want (to appease arcane social norms) and
the guy goes home with an emptier wallet and a good night
hug and shell end up (having sex) with a jerk who she is
biologically attracted to.

If hes lucky he can maybe this beautiful womans friend.
"Lets just be friends"...the kiss of death for him if he
only wanted something else.

So in order for men to be more effective with dating theyre going to have to do some different things. And Im not talking about becoming someone theyre not so they have to seduce women or act like a jerk, be a playboy or even to give her some of her own medicine.

Women are just wondering why that cant find a man they are
attracted to who actually IS healthy and stable.

First of all society promotes courtship which is a
socially derived function which worked great throughout
modern history when people lived in the same communities and the focus was immediately on raising a family. Simply put, things changed.

Todays independent women are more interested in exercising
their freedoms and seeing what happens instead of putting up with all of the implied expectations dealing with having to marry each guy they go out with.

Take a look at the hit Sex and the City. Quite a long ways from Leave it to Beaver (and modern programming would have been blasphemy back then; thats how far weve come).

So I dont know why dating experts keep teaching dating as
courtship; its just so antiquated. Is it really to
protect women (who are more independent and powerful than
ever before anyways)?

Maybe they just dont want to face the reality of what women want.

Yes, most women eventually want to get married but they want it to happen casually and naturally when they meet a guy now to see how it develops (with someone shes interested in) INSTEAD OF having guys wooing and courting her from date number one with flowers, dinner, walking on eggshells and lots of incoming phone calls from someone shes not interested in(unless shes letting her parents or social expectations rule the decision).

Usually thats a LOT of pressure and expectation to deal
with plus the guys are coming on too heavy and its SO
predictable...they all seem the same to her just about and
its very tiring. Now its the good guys who are getting
their hearts trampled (see pop music) by these women.

In a traditional dating situation (which we know
mainstream society promotes) shes not necessarily being
herself (although her grandma may have been), shes being
what society tells her to be (although times have changed)
and how to act.

Plus the man isnt getting anywhere either because hes
putting a fake foot forward to essentially buy her attention.

Hes not being his true self upfront and those things will
surface later on both ends anyways. With the progression of
independence and advancement in both men and women, theres
more demons that are being hidden as well as incompatible
personality traits.

Not to mention that everyone looking for a date is only
looking for an interpersonal solution for themselves...they
dont really know the other person, just what they are
judging.

So, if a man follows societys advice of (courtship)
dating women, its like living an incongruency (or lie)
with what he REALLY wants and what she wants unless they
really ARE looking and about ready to get married.

Most single, young (and now older) men want to have physical relationships and arent looking to get married right away until they really get to know a woman and courting her isnt really getting to know her.

If there was a price on love then a lot of people would be
permanently out of luck. Women know that love doesnt cost a thing and I believe it (ie. J.Los natural and not social
side) yet people will continue to try and buy her affection.

Today, desirable and empowered women want to express their
(newfound) sexual freedom without having to have this guy
dragging her down. Basically girls really DO just want to
have fun but theres so much PRESSURE.

Now a man can do this without having to seduce her or be the nice guy of courting her and getting both of them nowhere. Most importantly he doesnt have to become someone hes not or being an abusive jerk just to succeed.

If men and women could just be upfront, casual and honest
with each other in their intentions they could both have a
lot of fun and get to know each other without false
expectations.

And another important point, sex isnt likely to happen with traditional courtship dating because society tells her to delay sex so she can hold onto a keeper (which makes sense for COURTSHIP). The focus is more on their
social/fake/expected relationship and less on who they
really are as people.

When guys take the dating route, its like they have a
hidden agenda to get somewhere with her taking this route
and she knows it and in the wrong metaframe of courtship
with him pursuing, it makes her want him less.

It looks like hes hiding his true self and paying for her
attention. She often feels obligated to give him at least a
hug in exchange for everything he bought her and yet shell
run off with a more dangerous man she is attracted to
because of the way SHE feels when shes around him.

She doesnt get these feelings of intoxication from the
wooing, low independent character men who are responding to
their perception of her. She wants to be respected and
treated as an equal (and nice guys put her above themselves)
so she often ends up pursuing an independent man.

Women have changed dramatically in a social and personal
matter so that they now have tremendous power, capability
and favor in life. Theyre marrying later and less
interested in men wooing them when it comes to attraction
and dating (unless they want to take material advantage of
the resources men are throwing at them).

A woman will often wonder if she will ever find a real man
who she can just have a fun and REAL time with which may or
may not naturally end up in sex. She doesnt want men
following her around like a whipped puppy, having them by
the string and not respecting her own independence.

Gold-diggers might like this to maintain high social status
but healthy women dont feel attraction for these men. Its
unnatural.

The power has shifted and its changed almost everything.
Tradition is thrown off course and nature itself is being
slapped in the face by social culture and its influence
(just turn on the t.v. and youll be inundated with it
non-stop).

Men are wondering what went wrong and if they themselves are the problem when it comes to dating. Their entire psyche and outlook on reality has been affected and this affects all areas of their life.

All of this is NOT desirable to alot of these women who have really improved themselves in all of the aspects of their life...a woman doesnt want to settle for LESS, she wants men that are worthy of her time and not afraid of her for just being herself (who she has become).

Little does she know though that she would be a completely
different woman if she were raised in another culture.
Little do men realize that they would have natural success
with women without really trying if they went to many other
cultures in the world.

They would be SHOCKED to find that it just happens. This
is what nature or intelligent design intended. This
realization on my part is what I call cultural
differentiation.

The socio-cultural forced reality which began in America
around the 1960s has influenced the relationship dynamics
of countless millions of people now around much of the
world. Its the impetus of a 50% divorce rate.

Thankfully there is still the natural reality of attraction; the ability within man and woman to know what to do when it comes to attraction. Its within all of us and more important than the social pervasive reality that defines almost all current relations in these societies.

For man to truly begin to succeed with women and attraction, he must cut through all of the junk, see the matrix for himself and understand his relation to it.

The fact that women respond to men of high natural character still doesnt change; it never will or we would be threatened with the thought of extinction (note the birth rate is increasing rapidly in traditional or natural cultures the most).

Independent career women have less time to raise more kids
in their natural/traditional role as mother and nurturer
(reference; the neighbors in Cheaper by the Dozen).

Choosing a path of seduction or pick up arts in order to
get the end result is now not the only option. There is
another and more powerfully effective way.

You see, current social byproduct (response solutions) like
pick up and seduction have become very popular because the
way women are responding to these men.

Women not being interested, ignoring them, and rejecting
them is very real (and common) so some men have found
another way to counteract it and deal with it (responding to womans general social power as the stimulus). The unnatural transgression of sexual energy had to find an outlet.

In order to become a successful seducer or PUA generally a man has to study a system of countless techniques and
psychological triggers to try to bring a womans level of
interest and attraction up to where it matters.

He will have to face a lot of rejection through his training to start seeing results...results that work with women starting on the social level where she has the favor and he will often try to break down her social identity and her belief in it so that her judgment becomes more clouded and in his favor.

If he can talk her into it to a point where he comes close to her expectational/ideal response, then he may get
lucky. This is the hard road and its not natural, although with practice he can be more effective than being a nice guy of confused/diminished character who follows the outdated courtship dating (not mating) ritual.

Overly wooful, courting men (nice guys) or PUAs (pick-up
artists) are BOTH trying to work against the natural energy
of what women really want by trying to deal with her on the
social level where she has received the power and they are
now essentially below her (and almost always act it).

She likes the attention and social proof plus all the gifts
and meals at times from the nice guys but theres a part of
her that is hollow and missing something (no pun intended).

Shes not really attracted to these men and he doesnt
understand why he keeps buying her all these gifts and she
doesnt call back and dumps him.

Theres no win/win situation there. I teach my men to keep
things interdependent and not to abuse their power
(potentially over women) when they attain awareness but to
respect women and add value to their lives.

If a woman can just find a man who is upfront, honest and
congruent with who he is and how he lives shell respect him (probably be greatly relieved from social pressures) and then can decide whether to join him on his adventures or not...and he doesnt get rejected.

In the game of attraction and who she is attracted to (who
she chooses and not what she or society says), her decisions are almost always made on the natural level (although unhealthy gold-diggers base their decisions on the social level and teenage boy band fans will become infatuated with a stars independent character portrayal).

The biological and natural mating instinct is the timeless
authority that guarantees something like social development
wouldnt throw nature off its course (although its now
being threatened).

Everyone knows how to reproduce; we dont have to be taught
(Return to Blue Lagoon). Social influence has just gotten in the way. It has confused some men so much that they wonder if they were ever meant to reproduce or go through the mating ritual. This is a very true reality for many men.

And yet woman will often end up with jerks and losers
instead who are fearless and strong in natural character
because theyre the closest options available to her
attraction response ideal (of how she feels when shes
with him). Basically our biology is stronger than our social programming.

And nice guys everywhere will just not get whats going on
and they will remain confused and disparately powerless or
less than they could be most of their adult lives unless
they really find their own path through the mire.

The answer lies in discovering what society has hidden from
him. Its not in being the wife-beater t-shirt guy, its
about being a man of character; a man who is comfortable in
his own skin and can handle (and please) women without
having to say a word.

This is what women want. A real man. One who is respectful
but never panders to women or lets them violate his own
(respectful) boundaries. The fact that women have become
more demanding today just makes real relationships harder
but Im teaching attraction and not dating or marriage.

I dont know when the dating experts will EVER catch up but
they are right about one thing (which is skewed by the
seduction experts); women WANT men to be themselves.

The way seduction experts see it is if you just be
yourself you will fail with women so you have to basically
turn yourself into someone youre not just in order to get
the end result (usually sex).

The way I see it is that men are NOT really being themselves in the first place. This is where the problem lies; society has diminished a mans own sense of masculinity, independence and his place in the world in relation to everything else..its all watered down so that he has become a man of lower character and almost unable to instill the attraction response in women.

It seems the only men that women are attracted to (were
not talking about what society says she wants about marrying a nice guy, etc.) are the bad boys and jerks who used to be social outcasts.

Why is this so? Simply because the other men arent stepping up to the plate anymore. Our grandfathers were men of high natural character.

And the men like this that are balanced and high in
character, theyre taken right away by women or in the
greatest demand. This balanced man is rare to find today; a
man who can be himself, has qualities that women want and
isnt afraid or intimidated of being around beautiful women.

In more scientific terms, men today have become the response to women as the stimulus (in empowered, forced reality cultures because the whole world is NOT like this). The natural reality of attraction (and the MATING not dating sequence) is that men are the stimulus to which women will respond to.

A woman will do things to look good so that men will pick
her but their relationship or not rests on HER response to
HIM and not how he thinks she looks. She has to sift through the men of different character to decide.

The men who have the most success with women anywhere have a high level of character in any of the three areas I define in my free ebook; his natural, independent and social character.

Good news for men is that women KNOW to respond to men of
high natural character and pick them out of the crowd.
Unfortunately for many women, that means theyll keep
irrationally choosing to sleep with bad boys who arent
emotionally healthy until more guys like us come along.

In fact high social status men wonder if a women are just
using them for their money/power or not (ie. what Jay-Z raps about).

Women know when a man is who his body says he is; its hard
to trick her intuition about whether he can give her the
indescribable psychosexual response that only a man of high
natural character can give her (few men reach this level but about all could).

She is extrapolating and judging men just as harshly as men
judge women. This is a whole area I get into in my free
downloadable ebook on the website.

These physiologically and emotionally based decisions she
makes about men will overrule her strong social influences;
her body and physiological desire cant resist.

And if a good man can just develop himself and his own
character, he can have great consistent success with women
(while respecting them) and when he does want to settle down he can find a good woman from many options.

For women, there could be more options of real men and
they will stop choosing the bad boy or jerks when they
finally have the option of stable guys who have healthier
character (with just as much natural connection and ability
to please her as the bad boys).

Women will be grateful because there would be more real men
so they dont have to fight over them as much or be as
lonely. Men just have to become men of higher character and
improve themselves in the 3 areas that matter to women. This CAN be done with the right resources to bring a man into his natural destiny.

When a man can be more of himself at all times and he can
communicate with women that he is a man (nonverbally and
verbally) who is not ashamed of who he is; she can respect
this and will know where he stands on her
interest/attraction level (hint; he has a good chance).

And the further he communicates that he really IS the man
she idealized, the easier everything will be to take things
to a connected interdependent experience.

Shes the one who will make the choice and decision of
whether anythings going to happen so its up to a man to
help her out there. Most guys fail before they start by not
being what women want and not following the natural order of things.

For a naturally successful man who has lots of options of
women he can take his pick but its still the woman who are
(eagerly) choosing to be with him.

She cant tell a man to be more of a man, he just has to
be that man and then can have all the success he dreams of
with much less dependency on the words to say because he
will be operating from where HIS power lies, his natural
character and ability to make women swoon despite his other
personal faults.

This is about something more important than a quick-fix,
this is about bringing balance back to the force of male and female relationships.

So my advice is for men to become their true selves of high
character potential and strength in all three areas
(natural, independent/personality and social) which will
henceforth fix almost ALL of their other problems with
attracting and succeeding with women they once were
infatuated.

Its all about the man and developing his character so that
women will respond (to his characteristics as the stimulus)
the way she dreams of responding when she finds this kind of man.

That is the underlying current in this crazy, mixed up world that is still the source of pure hope and life throughout most cultures. Its up to a man to embrace and represent the characteristics of his nature and self that will drive women wild in reality instead of in their fantasies.